After a fierce and ham-handedly Tolkienesque struggle through the frozen halls and o’er the ramparts of our greatest enemy’s impregnable (unless you happen to have a tiny wooden ram) bastion of power, the impossible has, at last, been achieved.

Professor Putricide, Lord of the Plague Wing (or whatever the fuck it’s called now), lies battered and defeated at our triumphant feet (our feet did most of the legwork). Plus, we killed Arthas.

“Tweren’t easy,” quips SPG spokesman, Bebum, about the victory. “First off, we had a tanker of keystone and ain’t nobody knew thing one about pumpin’ ‘er, so right there you got a clogged up hose. Then we break a 15 knive anhydrous toolbar into 3 sections to allow their insight to be able to automatically shut off the different sections independently to prevent overlappin’; the moisture was still at 18%, and we don’t take it at our elevator until it’s at 15%. Also the monster had a fair amount of cob rot in it which means dockage.”

Shaking his head in bemusement as he walks away, the enigmatic Bebum turns back to add, “Today we soil sampled 50 acres at a dairy farm. Tomorrow, it’ll be 45 acres along the interstate.” That having been said, he turns into a deer and trots off in search of marinade.

“I don’t really understand anything that was just said,” adds Cashis, SPG’s Public Relations Director. “However, I think it’s more than fair to say that Bebum speaks to the very heart of SPG and that his sentiments, however incomprehensible, are an accurate depiction of the overall mood of the guild as of right now.”

When asked for his thoughts about challenges on SPG’s horizon, he pauses, suddenly uncertain. “I’m really having trouble wrapping my head around the idea that Bebum is now a self-marinating deer,” he says. “That’s really fucking with me, big time.”

But what is on the horizon for SPG? Now that Putricide is down, I would expect us to clear the rest of ICC (except that we already did), and eventually down Arthas (which just happened). What challenges do such menaces as the Blood Queen of the San’layn and the Frost Wyrm Matriarch hold? There’s no way to know (except that we do, because we already killed them, plus the guy after them). I sure can’t wait to (already have) find (found) out.

Also, it is February (April).

In other news:

Our tanks keep exploding.

Which is to say our tanks keep quitting the game, smashing their authenticators, or getting deployed to shoot at real tanks in much hotter countries. All we’ve got left (as of very soon) are Suicidepally and Gansal (pictured below).

This creates problems, as we both des- and requ- ire more than two tanks on our roster. Point being that if you are looking for a guild, think you could stand taking sometimes startlingly brilliant orders from myself and my contemporaries, and like it when stuff  hurts you for fifteen minutes at a stretch, then

(Look under the banner with the hot model in our t-shirt, click the forums link, register, go to the Recruitment forum, and be sure to read ALL of the sticky post at the top.)

Now seeing as how I’m 99% sure I’ll be set on fire and rolled into a pit full of heat-triggered torture bombs if I end this without posting at least a foot and a half of quotes, I will now post at least a foot and a half of quotes.  Things whose names include “torture” are, at least for me, powerful motivators.

Vanity, thy name is SPG.

Thanks for hanging, folks. I’ll holla atchy’all lataz.